The Thirteenth Floor I am he as you are she as you are me and we are all Inceptional?


The Thirteenth Floor  I am he as you are she as you are me and we are all Inceptional? A review

thirteenth floor The Thirteenth Floor was based on the 1964 Daniel F. Galouye novel, Simulacron 3. It debuted in 1999. Though hard to follow, with a less than compelling conflict and plot resolution, The Thirteenth Floor inspired enthusiasm in sci fi buffs.

The Thirteenth Floor

Directed by Josef Rusnek,this film is based on the 1964 Daniel F. Galouye novel, Simulacron 3. It debuted in 1999. Though hard to follow, with a less than compelling conflict and plot resolution, The Thirteenth Floor inspired enthusiasm in sci fi buffs. It was a nominee for the Saturn Award as “Best Science Fiction Film” of 1999. Unfortunately for The Thirteenth Floor, 1999 was the year of The Matrix, another mind expanding movie. Rats.

I know that The Matrix is beloved by many; The Thirteenth Floor is less so.

I found it every bit as flawed as The Thirteenth Floor and with its “mysticism,” incredibly pretentious and sophomoric. Because the intricate plot and guessing what’s going on is the whole point, I’m not going to reveal plot points. The film has a good cast, including Craig Bierko, Gretchen Mol, Vincent D’Onofrio and Dennis Haysbert.

The Thirteenth Floor is not a good film but not entirely bad either.

Like Inception, a film much closer in structure and concept, the premise of The Thirteenth Floor is difficult to convey and so the solution is to blend in another, more easily understood genre. Inception gives us car chases and shoot-outs in our dreams within dreams. The idea, I suppose, is that those who lack the patience to follow the film’s complexity, will understand the language of violence.

The Thirteenth Floor blends in LA noir and a murder mystery.

The result, like Inception, The Thirteenth Floor has a feeling of disorientation. We don’t get to know any of the characters or care about the outcome; we’re too busy trying to crack the code–guessing what’s what. I like the idea of computer-generated, sentient beings who believe they’re human. Their limited existence reminds me of another hybrid movie–Dark City. Like The Matrix, Dark City has an element of mysticism but I didn’t think it nearly as pretentious. Very weird (in a good way for me) but lot’s more entertaining than The Matrix.

The concept of virtual reality is such a rich one that I hope someone will make a film like The Thirteenth Floor that explores it on its own terms.

i hope it trusts the audience. I hope it attempts to answer some of the questions it poses, such as what defines a human being. Along with the Star Trek holodek, television has done its own spin around VR territory, including 1995’s VE-5 and the Syfy’s current offering, EUREKA. Science fiction writers have long mined the territory of virtual reality, including my own second book, Babylon Dreams, where a whole industry competes for the consumer dollar by offering “after-death” destinations.

If you haven’t seen The Thirteenth Floor, I recommend it, especially if you like science fiction. It’s worth the elevator ride.

The Cabin in the Woods is like a fried Twinkie



The Cabin in the Woods: A review

cabin in the woodsThe critics and the fans said must see The Cabin in the Woods. So I saw. 

I ignored the lone “The Cabin in the Woods is the worst movie I ever saw”– naysayer–there was only one. Now that I’ve seen it, make that two. This movie, written by Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon and directed by Drew Goddard, looks like it was a lot of fun to write. I can see all concerned cracking each other up at the hilarity.

I would have loved to sit in on the sessions that put together The Cabin in the Woods script.

The script is combination of office comedy and slasher-college-students-go-camping sadism. The office segments take place in a high tech control room. With lots of screens and tons of controls, these scenes are smart and very funny.

Rather than The Cabin in the Woods, we see middle-aged men in white shirts and ties.

They combat the boredom by shooting down slasher-movie conventions. The men comment on the progress of the college students, whose story unfolds on one of a series of screens.  Unknown to the students, there are hidden cameras. Different office departments participate in a betting pool to see which occupants of The Cabin in the Woods die and how.

We’re told that steps (spiked hair dye, pheromone mists, etc.) have been taken to ensure the students follow the intended course.

Like the office, we’re meant to watch as the students struggle to survive. And like the betting pool, other than what we paid for the ticket, we have no investment. We spend the entire movie guessing the point of it all. Why is this happening? We’re given clues that point to a blood sacrifice.

By the time we learn that it’s either the college students’ deaths or the “end of the world” we’re still detached.

When one of the students begins to outsmart the puppeteers, there’s frantic damage control. We, the audience, continue to observe but not invest because in The Cabin in the Woods, the pieces of the puzzle don’t fit together.

If you don’t care, you have time to be logical and The Cabin in the Woods story collapses.

Other than a mild curiosity, we don’t care about what happens to any of the characters. For example, early in the story, one of the office techs complains that his wife’s plans to get pregnant include child-proofing the entire house. Then he and the rest of the office complex bet on which group of young people dies a grisly death. Jarring but not quite believable because so little attention is paid to character–it’s all jokes and office politics; there’s no anchor–no place to establish a point of view.

The office humor inspired by The Cabin of the Woods isn’t the absurdist humor of Mel Brooks.

Brooks parodies genre, establishing a setting and a narrative and commenting on the conventions. He doesn’t splice two genres together. When you’re guessing at the setting and confused about who or what to root for, you, like the office workers, are indifferent. The Coen Brothers make you laugh at the violence resulting from human folly, but you’re also horrified because they find the humanity as well as the absurdity.

There’s no humanity in this office. I thought perhaps they weren’t human–maybe the office was set in hell. It would have made more sense.

Clever performances and jokes can’t make up for the cynicism and indifference of the script. At the end, like the surviving college students, you shrug at “the end of the world.” To be scared, you have to care. Cabin in the Woods has a crisp outer layer of office humor with a sweet gooey center of college-students-sex-and-death. And like a fried Twinkie, it’s hard to swallow and just as indigestible.

Dylan Dog, Dead of Night. This Dog Don’t Hunt


Dylan Dog, Dead of Night. This Dog Don’t Hunt

 I don’t recommend Dylan Dog, Dead of Night. 


I watched it on Netflix.  A 2011 film, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night is a mess from start to finish.

dylan dogA comic-based movie, Dylan Dog, Dead of Night. Dylan Dog is based on a 1986 Italian comic book series by Tiziano Sclavi.

Dylan’s director is Kevin Monroe, who directed the animated 2007 TMNT 4 (Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles). Unfortunately, that is one of the problems. It is much more difficult to direct live actors than to direct animated characters. Animated films, (unless you’re Pixar) are by nature, two dimensional.

With live actors, you need a little more “directing.”

Dylan Dog, Dead of Night blessed Monroe with two excellent actors in Taye Diggs and Sam Huntington. However, Brandon Routh needs a little more help. The only other film I had seen Routh in was Superman The Return. He is an extremely good looking actor and this is a mixed blessing.

Right now, Dylan Dog, Routh’s face is a blank sheet.

Mr. Routh needs some miles on his face and it is character that draws us. We project our own back story on how those character miles got there.His droning voice-over, meant to help us follow a confusing, muddled story, loses us in the first ten minutes. Perhaps, if Monroe, the director, knew how to work with actors, perhaps there would be a little more shading, something of interest to support the noir feel this movie attempted to create.

As Dylan, Routh was as flat as a cartoon turtle.

Knowing something about actors, having been one and worked with many as a casting director, I feel that in Dylan Dog–Dead of NightRouth is a work in progress. I hope that he continues to be cast without the burden of carrying a whole film. Also, Routh should do some theater, which is an actor’s medium. A little Tennessee Williams would do him a world of good. I freely admit I don’t know what’s going on currently in theater. I want to see what’s behind Routh’s big brown eyes.

Whatever limited appeal this film possesses comes from Sam Huntington, who was Jimmy Olsen to Routh’s Superman.

Huntington was the resident werewolf on the SyFy Channel’s Being Human. Someone described George Bush senior as that “first husband,” the one you briefly married before you settled down. in Dylan Dog–Dead of NightHuntington’s prissy “everyman” is the essence of your college roommate’s boyfriend, the one who always shows up to help you move. In Dylan Dog, Huntington is so funny as the reluctant zombie, grossed out by his zombie needs. And so he makes you forget the awkwardness of the film.

 Taye Diggs is such a compelling actor that he blows everyone else off the screen.

And one more problem. Dylan Dog–Dead of Night is full of monsters because Dylan is the “middle man” between humans and the world of monsters. Also, with most of the movie is spent with monsters, on behalf of monsters and fighting monsters, all the fight scenes shouldn’t be versions of martial arts. So, where are the claws, the fangs, the bolts of lightening, the melting people, etc.? Other than throwing punches and tossing people around, the demons, vampires and werewolves are pussies.


The Devil Inside: Godzilla versus the Smurfs


The Devil Inside: Godzilla versus the Smurfs     A Review

devil inside  I watched The Devil Inside courtesy of Redbox for $1.23. ***SPOILER ALERT***

THE DEVIL INSIDE is a film that was directed and co-written by William Brent Bell (2006’s STAY ALIVE). The narrative style of this film is a cross between “found footage” and documentary. A 2012 January release, the story begins in 1989 as a 911 call and a blotchy videotaped police investigation of a triple murder.

A woman with a deep, weary and rather sexy voice calls into 911 saying, “I killed them all.”

“Them” means two priests and a nun, casualties, we discover, of a botched exorcism. In this case, the devil is in the details–details the script fails to share because the story jumps forward to 2009 and the woman, an American wife and mother, Maria Rossi (Suzan Crowley) is now an inmate in an Italian hospital for the criminally insane.

Naturally, Maria’s daughter, Isabella, an attractive young woman in her twenties wants to know what happened to land her mother in the funny farm in a different country. Is it The Devil Inside?

Isabella, whose father died shortly after the murders, hasn’t seen or spoken to her mother in over ten years. So Isabella, camera crew in tow-of course she’s an attractive twenty-something so she’s going to have a camera crew, decides to visit Mommie Weirdest in the old country. Maria now spends her life in a white room and she draws odd pictures, including upside-down crosses etched into her skin.

Suzan Crowley, the actress playing Maria strikes me as one of those very good actresses, toiling for years in forgettable projects, and never getting a chance to show her acting chops.

That’s unfortunate for the film. What little we see of her stands in stark contrast to the rest of the principal cast. Maria growls and purrs; the coiled menace within her is the only real scare this film has to offer. Her voice brings to mind Mercedes McCambridge’s demon voice emanating from Regan, the besieged eleven-year old in THE EXORCIST. It’s insinuating and truly creepy. The young actors playing Isabella (Fernanda Andrade), the “documentary guy” (Ionut Grama), Father David, the doctor-priest (Evan Helmuth), and Father Ben, the exorcist-priest (Simon Quarterman) can’t conjure up enough scare for a campfire ghost story, let alone, The Devil Inside.

When you’re dealing with “The Devil,” or devils, you want to see him fight in the right weight category.

Pitting these four against a really big baddie supernatural is like watching the Smurfs take on Godzilla. It’s hardly a fair fight. The rather bland unfocused Isabella seems confused more than desperate. Father David likes to help out on exorcisms but only if they don’t get him in trouble. Father Ben pouts and whines about how the Church won’t condone exorcisms unless there’s super duper proof of possession–but he’s gonna do them anyway–so there, Monsignor Meanies! To your self-respecting demon, these four are as challenging as drowning a bag full of kittens.

The plot spins its wheels, going nowhere, until it just stops abruptly.

You get the feeling the production either ran out of money or film. Whatever. Regardless, the appetite for devil movies being what it is, the film’s earned over 50 million. Maybe someone made a deal with the devil after all. By the way–the weird nun on the cover is an extra–not a character in the story.